LightCitroTemaZaZajebanciju

Jadali se Crnogorac,Srbijanac i lala kako imaju glupe zene. Srbijanac rece:"Zamislite ljudi ona moja glupaca je kupila masinu za pranje sudja, a nemamo vode u kuci". Crnogorac rece:"Nije to nista.Moja je kupila i masinu i frizider,a nemamo ni vode ni struje". Ta,ajte bre ljudi,rece lala,moja sosa se svako jutro napuderice i namirici,pa prije nego sto podje iz kuce,uvek stavi dva kurtona u tasnu,a ne imade kurac.

Tata, tata, kako sam dosao na ovaj svet? - Donela te roda sine. - U bre cale, svasta ti jebes!

Al vas ima u ove sitne sate

ovo je preeeedobro

Citat :

Dear Citizens of America,

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”

3. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”,
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of Jessies - English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese

Dve plavuše rade kao sekretarice kod različitih direktora. Piju kafu i jedna pita drugu:
• Koliko ti plaća onaj tvoj?
• Pa, 500 evra. - odgovori druga.
• Kako 500, a meni ovaj moj daje 470 evra?!
Druga plavuša pita prvu:
• Miluješ mu jaja kad dođe na posao?
• Da.
• Ljubiš mu kurac za dobro jutro?
• Naravno, kaže prva.
• Pušiš mu ga dok ne svrši?
• Da.
• A jel' gutaš?
• Da.
• E, pa odbija ti topli obrok.

Došli Mujo i Haso u restoran... Čekaju oni konobara, a njega nigdje nema. Na kraju, naiđe netko i oni počnu vikati:

- Mali, mali, dođi ovdje!

Dođe on i kaže im:
- Nisam vam ja mali, ja sam šef sale!

A na to će oni:
- Ajde Sale ne zajebavaj, daj nam donesi dva piva i gotovo!

Sto klitoris, godisnjica braka i WC skoljka imaju zajednicko? Muskarci ih uvijek promase.

Pao Haso s 11. kata i naravno okupilo se mnoštvo ljudi da vidi što je s njim. Prilazi i Huso.
U tom trenutku Haso ustaje i briše sa sebe prašinu. Huso ga pita:
- "Bolan Haso, što je to bilo, zbog ćega se skupio ovoliki svijet?"
- "Jebeš im mater, ne znam, i ja sam sad došo!"

Kako najlakše spustiti auto...

probajte pa da čujem kak vam ide ... http://www.flashgames247.com/play/733.html

Baš je išlo dobro, he,he

klikneš ono "try again" pa iđe j'opeet

i samo strelice ...

ja dojdem do bačve i onda se prevrnem i to mi je urnebesno smiješno

http://www.mtv.co.uk/games_shitstick

evo nećakinja je napisala starom pjesmicu o spaku

deda žuti spaček ima
u nedjelju ga pokaže svima
jer žuta boja je najbolja

deda vozi
a drugi spaček mu je rozi
u žutom cijeće ima
da pobjegne baba zima

charliee je napisao/la:

evo nečakinja je napisala starom pjesmicu o spaku

deda žuti spaček ima
u nedjelju ga pokaže svima
jer žuta boja je najbolja

deda vozi
a drugi spaček mu je rozi
u žutom cijeće ima
da pobjegne baba zima

A da sad nećakinja... Čarli je pjesnik, Čarli je pjesnik Čarli je pjesnik Čarli je pjesnik...

mala je suuuper... ide u prvi osnovne i piše genijalne pjesmice...
meni su najbolje ove dvije:
...

Zrno u rupu ti stavi i zali

Preko noći izraste pupoljak mali

Pupoljak se uređuje

I latice sređuje

I pupoljak više nije

Cvijet se sada smije.





...

Jesen stiže vjetar lišće diže

Sa hrasta je pao list

Žuta boja stane se na kist

Cijelu šumu obojala

A žuti list nije

Na njemu se crvena smije.

kakva ptičica! najbolja je kad glumi vuka i tvora... i spejsšip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsu3bxuxoFY&feature=PlayList&p=6B8C8484E8B2FBEA&index=9